The Church Girl Who Didn't Know Her Purpose: Where My Story Really Began

I am the last child of both my parents, who, by the time I was born, were born-again Christians and ministers of the gospel. My mom was a missionary who sang in the choir, while my dad was an evangelist and the choir director for our youth choir, which I eventually became a part of. I can see us now in our black skirts and yellow blouses, singing our hearts out and loving it. There is a certain zeal that comes with being a new young Christian, because your innocence protects that zeal. But what they never tell you is that the older you grow, the more complicated things will get, and you may even find yourself in a place where that zeal becomes non-existent.

If I said I did not enjoy my teen years in church, I would be lying. I really did. Those were some of the best times of my life. We would go to church on Sunday mornings, and I would be so excited to go back in the evenings. We would run to get there early, before service officially started. Why? So I could hold the mic and sing. Yes, I loved to sing; I still do. I would sing my heart out, changing from one song to another for two or three hours, just enjoying myself.

The truth is, I thought it was just enjoyment because I was too young to understand. God was training me to become a worshipper. It took me more than ten years to figure that out, and therein lies one of the BIGGEST problems the church faces: not preparing its young people for the place of purpose and to be used by God.

Now, please note, this is not a church-bashing blog. This is me telling you a little of how I started and why it took me so long to realize what God had placed in me. In 1 Samuel chapter 3, the Bible says God was calling Samuel, but being untrained, Samuel was unable to recognize God's voice. It took Eli, after multiple calls, to realize that God was trying to get Samuel's attention, and thus the instruction: "Go back and lie down, and when you hear the voice again, say, 'Speak, Lord, for thy servant heareth.'" That tells me categorically that we were never meant to pursue purpose alone. We need someone who has already been there, someone who can help us navigate the scene. And that brings me to another thing, a hard thing for many church leaders to admit: many of them don't know their own purpose, and as such, they cannot help anyone find theirs.

I heard it preached over and over as a young girl that we need to find our purpose. Yet nobody ever sat me down and said, "This is how it's done." I would never bash my parents. I love them more than life itself. They did the best they could, showing me the way and teaching me right from wrong, and I would never want any other parents than the two I got. But the truth is, I needed more. My journey to purpose started at age 17, because I witnessed it happening for my cousin, and I remember praying to God that night, telling him I wanted 'that,' but even then I had absolutely no clue what I was doing, and honestly, I wasn't even sure what 'that' was. To top all that, ages 16 to 19 were the worst years of the relationship between me and my mom. I was trying to find myself, but I was also not very willing to listen to what my parents had to say because I wanted to do things my way. Imagine having the idea there is more but not knowing how to get to that more while navigating learning to become an adult, complete disaster. Feeling more confused by the day, wondering if you would ever get to the place you see others standing in.

One of the main reasons I decided to start this blog is because I needed a space to share the things that don't make their entrance on social media. I also needed you to understand that I wasn't always this confident, this close to God, this sure of myself. I was once a timid girl who got baptized at age 9 and was filled with the Holy Ghost that same night, but for years I hadn't the slightest clue what it meant to walk in purpose.

Sometimes God allows things to happen in your life so that when you get to a certain point, He can roll back the curtains and show you why, fifteen or twenty years ago, it had to be that way. When David's brothers mocked him and said all he was good for was bringing them lunch and taking care of sheep, they had no idea God was training a king. A king who understood the importance of selflessly serving others and taking care of God's people. What you go through daily has a direct link to who God has called you to be. But you will never be able to see that until you get to the place where you are no longer afraid of the 'you' that you can now see.

You must embrace who you are now so that God can shape you into who He needs you to be. Be content with people looking at you and thinking you're not much. Be content with people thinking they can use you without consequences. Be content with those who see you as an ATM machine and those who only know you when they need favors because they are helping you learn to selflessly serve, and trust me, you will need that for the place of purpose. I want to also let you know that being content is not agreeing with how they treat you; instead, it is accepting that they do not know your value and very soon they will regret their actions, but that regret must come from seeing you thrive in rooms they thought you could not enter and being used by God in ways they thought only they could be used. My mom used to regularly argue with my dad because he did not know the word "no"; he still doesn't, lol. But over the years I've realized that no matter what people said or how they behaved, he still helped. And I now understand he wasn't doing it for them. He did it because it's the right thing to do, and faithful service in the place of purpose has nothing to do with how people treat you or how you feel about them.

I know this may not go down well with a lot of us, and at one point that was also me, but the truth is, God requires us to forgive and to serve. We cannot pick and choose who we serve; that's God's decision. He may call on you to feed your worst enemy, and you must be ready to do it; that is purpose. The Samaritan had no business helping a Jew, but he did, while those who should have helped walked right past, probably even convinced themselves they were walking in purpose. St Matthew 4:46 "If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?" (NLT Version). Purpose requires you to be obedient to the voice of the Lord so he can use you to bless and serve his people, and sometimes that may look like serving the people whom you find the hardest to love.

So take this from the teenager who struggled, now the adult helping others understand the call of God on their lives: You are doing yourself no good by skipping the hard choices and the things you know God has been calling you to.

Tye Tribbett has a song I love so much called "Out of Hiding," and the heart of it is this: you don't have to hide from God. He already sees what you're covering. He loved you before you even knew what love was. He tore the veil so you could come close, and the victory He won; it is already yours. There is no reason to stand at a distance anymore. You are already loved.

God has already made provision for you. So spend time with the God of your purpose, and let Him reveal what has been hidden.

This is only the beginning of my story. All through July, I'm sharing how I started, the struggles, the confusion, and the questions I was too afraid to ask out loud, so you can be encouraged on your own journey. If you've ever sat in a church pew wondering if there was more for you, stay with me. There is, and I'm living proof.

See you in the next one!
Coach Sharline

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